Only Eighteen
by Laurissy
Summary: One shot set during the hinterlands. Just a bit of Tauriel Lavellan reflection on being the inquisitor and Solas feeling guilty which he should be.


Only 18

The berries between her fingers felt ripe as she plucked them. The juice stained her fingers, she smiled as she popped one into her mouth. The sweetness exploding on her lips. The stars shone down from above, illuminating the Hinterlands. Aptly there was a chill wind whistling through the trees as she scavenged.

As she looked up from her foraging, she spotted some elfroot in the distance. You could never have too much elfroot. She approached it cautiously. She knew there were bears around here. It felt like they'd fought hundreds trudging through the hinterlands. Hunting rams, finding blankets, collecting herbs for people caught in the middle of a war. Who'd have thought it Tauriel Lavellan helping shemlen?

As she sliced the root, she heard a sound behind her. Not a bear to quiet for that. Not a shem again too quiet. She smiled "Solas do you really feel the need to check in on me?"

"Well if you keep wandering of" he replied.

Tauriel turned round "You don't begrudge me some late night foraging."

"You should be asleep, we still have a long march till back to Haven now we've found Mother Giselle." Solas told her sounding like her keeper.

Tauriel took a step towards him and spoke with a hint of petulance "Well I will need to be well rested for when I save another druffalo."

"The farmers here need help, there's been a lot of suffering here, you shouldn't make light of their pain." Solas informed her like a parent would explain to a child.

Tauriel shrugged trying not to show that the way he talked to her bothered her more that what he said. "They're only shem."

Solas looked disappointed which caused Tauriel a small pang of regret. "Do you really believe that? These lives are worth nothing." He asked looking directly into her green eyes.

Tauriel frowned "They're worth something, but people expect me to forget that not so long ago, these people would have shot me on sight for poaching."

Solas looked at her, she was looking at the ground her face crinkled into her frown, her skin trembling slightly. "It's just I don't know who I am anymore." She bought out her hand her mark pulsing with it's unnatural green light. "They say Andraste gave this to me but I don't believe in Andraste. Andraste's a bitch."

Solas had to smile at that "Don't look at me like a condescending elder." She held up her arm to him, the glow illuminating the night's air even though it wasn't active. "This thing terrifies me, I don't know what it's doing to me." she cried tears welled to her eyes unbidden and she swatted them away angrily.

He looked at her and he felt a pang of guilt. A scared little girl. No idea of the power that had been handed to her. He admonished himself again for letting it come to this. He should have found another way, a better way. "Look, I know I have responsibilities," she continued "But I remember when things were simple."

"Tell me" he asked.

She looked up "You really want me to listen to me ramble about the past." She shook her head "Who cares? Who really cares about my life? All people care about is this." Looking at her mark.

"Tell me" he repeated.

"Fine" she relented "I was a hunter, a good one. I once killed a Vaterral by myself when I was 14, the first one in my clan to do so." The memory made her bristle with pride as she remembered the feeling when she'd sliced of the last leg with her sword.

"I already knew you were accomplished" Solas interjected.

"What do you want to know then?" she challenged.

"What do you miss?" he asked.

"I miss my clan, my keeper is a good woman." She reflected, "She listened even when she didn't agree."

"What didn't you agree about?" he asked.

"I wanted to take a more active role in fighting the qunari, I also wanted to reach out more towards the city elves, stop slave shipments going to Tevinter." She listed of "You know save the eleven race." She recalled the idealism of her younger self with a certain bitterness. Her keeper was right she'd been so arrogant.

"That's brave" he said admirably "Admittedly foolhardy" he thought to himself.

"My keeper informed me that what I wanted to do was reckless and foolish." Tauriel giggled as she put on her tried and tested keeper impression " Tauriel, you are being reckless, you're putting the clan's safety at risk."

"Why did you do it then?" he questioned, enjoying hearing about this young rebel. It reminded him of his own ambitions he'd had in his youth.

Tauriel looked at him, desperately trying to see if he had a hidden agenda, she went on "Our way of life is dying, we try to cling to our heritage but every year, more elves are taken as slaves or they join the qun. Worse still we waste our time on pointless clan wars, blood feuds where no one on either side can remember the original loss. I needed to do something."

"Did it work?"

"Most of my clan wanted me dead, which is why my keeper sent me to the conclave." Tauriel's mouth broke into a grin "She wanted to keep me out of trouble."

Solas laughed at that and Tauriel joined in addicted to the mirth of it. "Thank you" she spoke softly "I needed someone to listen."

Solas bowed his head "I am happy to oblige and if you wish it, I'll continue to listen in the future."

"That would be nice." She smiled warmly.

Tauriel looked into the sky "I hadn't realised." She looked puzzled.

The stars were indeed bright but there was nothing strange about them. "I'm enjoying you being puzzled for once."

"A lot of things puzzle me." He admitted, her for one so strong yet so fragile in so many ways.

Tauriel looked up wistfully and impulsively she grabbed his hand and pointed it at the sky." That's my constellation, a sword, appropriate, really."

"Quite" he agreed.

"Well, I guess I'm a year wiser than I was when I saw this last time" she remarked.

She still clutched his hand "I wonder if I'll see it next year."

"I hope so" Solas said earnestly, trying to keep the guilt out of his voice.

"I keep thinking of all the things I still want to do, kill a dragon, have a child, I haven't even been kissed yet."

Solas' face turned scarlet as he became aware of the warmth of her hand "I find that hard to believe."

Tauriel smiled "Flatterer, no one really seemed that interested in having a mate that wanted to spend her nights stopping slave shipments to Tevinter."

"Fools" he muttered.

"Maybe, besides I suppose it's better this way, having someone back home would make things complicated."

"You're right."

"Still I hope that I will find someone some day." She mused.

"I hope so to and that you find a partner worthy of your love."

She bought their hands down "Let's go back."


End file.
